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Sunday, 21 July 2013

All Party Agreement On Emergency Legislation To Deal With William Binchy

William Binchy (pictured) used to be a serious person. In 1983 he gave some much needed intellectual gloss to the crowd of auld ones with mad black scarves tied to their heads and sexually repressed eejits in duffel coats who predominated on the Pro-MoreDeadWomen side of that September's abhortion referendum.

The prominence of serious Willie Binchy in that campaign allowed people with pianos who had been to U.C.D. and Trinity College to vote to keep Ireland abhortion free and not immediately have to go out to the garden shed and drink weedkiller. Yes, back in the Autumn of 1983, serious Willle was to the Pro-MoreDeadWomen movement in Ireland what Philip Schofield (pictured below) currently is to daytime television.
These days, Willie is much shrivelled and taken a whole lot less seriously than he was thirty years ago. And it's about to get a whole lot worse.

Today's Irish Times has a front page story about another woman who was helped on her way to an early grave by Ireland's abhortion laws, which Willie played such a key role in inflicting on us.

The woman in question was in bad health as a result of her pregnancy. She sought an abortion at a Dublin hospital, which was refused.

She died in the back of a London taxi, having gone there to have the termination she was refused in Ireland. A round of applause for Willie.

A source close to Enda Kenny's office has informed this blog that the Government will now bring in emergency legislation to deal with the remants of William Binchy's seriousness.

Under the proposed bill, William Binchy will be forced to wear a clown costume every time he leaves the house.
It is understood that the legislation will include a clause under which, should formerly serious Willie be ever found wandering the streets not dressed appropriately, he will immediately be forced at gun-point to walk out into the sea until he is no more.
Fianna Fáil leader Micheál Martin, Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams and the entire technical group bar one have pledged to support the bill. 

The only dissenting voice is Finian McGrath T.D. who is thought to be on his way to the plinth outside Leinster House to condemn this outrage. But that's okay because no one gives a shit what he thinks.