BREAKING NEWS Islamic State and Al Qaeda announce ceasefires

ISIL leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

John Kerry

Dramatic news breaking via Reuters: U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is to fly to Munich Monday where he will meet with representatives of both Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) and Al-Qaeda. Both organisations have tonight declared ceasefires. "Our argument with America and the other Western countries is over. They have agreed now to give us the people we want, and as long as they deliver on that, there will be peace. There are some details to be talked out, that is all."

Sources say that the deal has been worked out in behind the scenes face to face talks between former US National Security Advisor Mr. Elliot Kenilworth and ISIL leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi.

At their Munich summit on Monday Secretary of State Kerry and Mr al-Baghdadi will sign a binding international treaty which will see the US, and their allies, agree to hand over all Western leftists and liberals who have reacted to the Charlie Hebdo massacre by coming out against free speech. Sources say that among those to be handed over to ISIL are author Will Self, Edward Horgan of the Irish Anti-War Movement, John Rees and Lindsey German of the Stop The War Coalition, and former Anglican Archbishop Trevor Huddleston. It is understood that, under the terms of the agreement, ISIL will be given one US military transport plane - a Lockheed C-5 Galaxy - loaded to capacity with Western liberals and leftists who've publicly declared themselves to in no sense be Charlie Hebdo. 

Once the Treaty of Munich is signed, the designated people will be detained under special legislation and brought to Shannon Airport. From there a Lockheed C-5 Galaxy piloted, it's believed, by Islamic preacher Anjem Choudary will fly them to an undisclosed location in ISIL controlled Syria. There they will be shared out, with 50% being taken away to ISIL processing camps and the other 50% travelling on to Al-Qaeda camps in Yemen, never to be heard of again. 

Benjamin Netanyahu and the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem have issued a short joint statement describing the Treaty, which will see an end to all military operations worldwide by both Islamic State and Al-Qaeda, as "A very welcome development for the peoples of Israel and Palestine".  

It's understood the Irish government has been informed about the details of the Treaty and have approved the use of Shannon Airport for what will be one final rendition flight. "We're happy to do our bit", a source in the Department of Foreign Affairs said.