Probably the worst poet in Ireland predicts I'll be eaten by a wolf

There are several other serious contenders, but it can objectively be said that Thomas Carty - the McGonagall of County Offaly - is one of the worst poets in Ireland.

A recent masterpiece of his, 'Egregious Idiot', is all about me. I do admit, I am a fascinating subject. Indeed, I am as fascinated by me as he appears to be. Shame, though, that as a poem it's not much good. 

In the last line, Carty appears to predict that I will end up being eaten by a wolf.

We can but both live in hope. It would, I agree, be a fitting end for me and would surely be good for book sales. 

The immediate cause of Mr Carty's current interest in me is the fact that a post I published on this blog ruined his glittering political career. You can read it for yourself here. Within a couple of days of this article being published, he was dumped off the Anti-Austerity Alliance ticket faster than George McGovern dropped Thomas Eagleton, though Mr Carty's demise was, it almost goes without saying, of far greater political significance.

Carty thinks he's a left wing 'pro-lifer' but, in all likelihood, if a fascist movement emerged in Ireland, it is there that he'd find his true home. 

Here is what he had to say about my poem 'The Euphemisms', which was published on the website of Clare Daly TD, in the immediate aftermath of the death here in Galway of Savita Halappanavar in late 2012.

Carty got particularly excited last year about my poem, What The Virgin At Knock Would Say If She Could Speak, you can read his wise words about that here.

At the end of the month the poets of the old Third Division South have their annual gathering at an as yet undisclosed location. It was rumoured in today's New York Times that the climax of this year's feshtival will see Thomas Carty reciting his Egregious Idiot while all the other festival attendees discreetly pleasure themselves sexually. 

Tissues will not be provided.

N.B. Thomas Carty's legal team have insisted that we clarify the post above. There is far more to Mr Carty than him being just a mad eejit with rosary beads constantly muttering prayers against abhortion. Carty is that, yes, but he is so much more. In particular he is a big supporter of badly run government employment schemes which allow the employers to trample on employees rights. I apologise for this previous omission which was, I acknowledge, unforgivable. I am particularly sorry to have offended Thomas so appallingly in the lead up to the seventieth anniversary of the death of his secret political hero.

Was It Something I Said? Candidate Dumped By Anti-Austerity Alliance

“He is not a candidate for the AAA. When his sexism and vocal anti-choice positions became known, the national AAA meeting did not ratify his application to be a candidate.”  

Laura Fitzgerald of The Socialist Party 

 

The Anti-Austerity Alliance (aka The Socialist Party-lite) was thrown into crisis today following the revelation on this blog on Saturday that one of its local election candidates, the above pictured Mr Thomas Carty of the parish of Tullamore, is well to the right of your average common-or-garden member of Ballymagash Urban District Council on the issue of abhortion.

He also, rather tragically, fantasises about getting a job as a "boob adjuster". For the full article see here. 

Today the story went a bit viral, as the kids say, with much discussion on Farcebook and on left leaning blogs.

Now, just over 48 hours after the original article appeared Laura Fitzgerald of the Socialist Party has said on Facebook that Mr Carty is no longer an AAA candidate. No doubt an official statement confirming this will follow. Or perhaps a press conference. Joe Higgins, Ruth Coppinger and Paul Murphy saying "boob adjusters" has the potential, surely, to become a Youtube classic.

As for Thomas Carty, the hot money is on him now becoming a candidate for the sometimes slightly fascist conspiracists of Direct Democracy Ireland. 

And now a poem about another daft eejit who shouldn't bother with politics but does. It's from my newly launched collection The Ghost in the Lobby.

Anti-Austerity Alliance and the Boob Adjusters

This is Thomas Carty. Thomas is from Tullamore, which isn't his fault. He is also a staunch and vocal opponent of abortion rights, which absolutely is his fault, and makes him a rather odd candidate to be seeking election under the banner of the new Socialist Party front, the Anti-Austerity Alliance. Thomas is a supporter of the Pro Life Socialists group who are, well, certainly complete gobshites if not actual fascists. 

Here is an image the 'Pro Life Socialists', who Thomas Carty is happy to associate with, recently posted online. Kitty Holland is the journalist who broke the story of Savita Halappanavar's death in the Autumn of 2012.

Politically, Thomas Carty is one of the smaller and blunter knives in the drawer; the type of fella who's probably good at shtuffing leaflets through letter boxes into the mouths of angry dogs of various sizes and political persuasions, without getting the tops of his fingers bitten off in the proccess.

But an election candidate, seriously? Questions regarding apparent political contradiction should be addressed to Cllr. Ruth Coppinger, to Joe Higgins TD, and to Paul Murphy MEP who are all urging the people of Tullamore to give Thomas Carty their number one votes. 

Thomas Carty is significantly to the right of Offaly Fianna Fail TD Barry Cowen on the issue of abortion rights. Yet Ruth Coppinger, Joe Higgins, and Paul Murphy are all urging the people of Tullamore to vote for him. No, you haven't lost your mind. You did actually read those words. 

And there's more: here is a photo election candidate Thomas Carty of the Anti-Austerity Alliance recently shared on Facebook.

He added his own comment that this was the "job for Carty" i.e. himself, election candidate Thomas Carty. I have no more words.

If you live in Tullamore, remember to vote in the local elections,
because if you don't vote, some peculiar anti-abhortionist might win.

And now a relevant poem from my new collection The Ghost In The Lobby which has its Galway launch tomorrow. 

Hello Tullamore!

http://100tpcmedia.org/100TPC2012/2012/05/tullamore-ireland/

"Tullamore Rhymers Club in association with Offaly CAHWT (Campaign Against Household & Water Tax) and 100 Thousand Poets for Change

welcome writer and activist Kevin Higgins to Tullamore

 on September 19th at 8pm in Hugh Lynches pub on Kilbride Street."